Worship As Ministry And Mission

"Do not be greived, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."
Nehemiah 8.10

Okay, so has anyone out there heard of Hobby Lobby. Well, I am now gainfully employed as a regular part time employee of Hobby Lobby.

I was realizing today, that one year ago I was pastoring a medium sized suburban church near Charlotte, NC. Six months ago I was living in Kansas City learning about intercessory prayer at IHOP-KC. And now, today, was my second day in the frame shop learning the art and craft of framing pictures for an hourly wage.

Our family needed to supplement our income, because our support base was not at a sustainable level. Several weeks ago, in my devotional time, I felt God lead me to "get a job." And so I began sending out resumes. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

So last week, in humility and desperation, I made a list of area big box stores, Target, Lowe's, Home Depot. I even checked out the possibility of teaching in area seminaries, universites, and schools. As I was headed out one day to see what the world had to offer, my wife mentions that I might check out Hobby Lobby. Now for those of you not acquainted with HL, it is an arts and crafts store, with everything, including custom framing [I'm foreshadowing here]. My pride and masculinity flinched, and then I decided to pursue it. What did I have to lose?

I walk into Hobby Lobby and fill out an application. I ask an assistant manager if they have any positions open. Among the list of positions open is a framer. She asks if I have any experience. No. But I apply anyway. I walk back to the frame shop to get an idea of what it's like. And I notice the music is somewhat familiar. I listen more carefully. No it can't be. Is that what I think it is. Yes. There is no doubt. It is Christian music. Hymns and contemporary songs set to a musical score. But why here?

After inquiring about the position in the frame shop, I am invited into the maangers office. We briefly discuss the position. I share up front that I am a pastor trying to build a prayer ministry and need to supplement our family income. He shares with me that HL is a company based on Christian principles and proceeds to tell me about the framing position and will get back in touch with me. My overall impression is very positive.

A few days later I'm in the managers office for an interview. The first 30 minutes is spent filling out papers and enduring a math test, without a calculator. Most of this math I haven't done since school. Elementary school. The other 30 minutes after one innocent question on my part, he tells me his family homeschools, his life was changed on an Emmaus Walk that he attended with his best friend and accountability partner, and that though he attends a baptist church, in the end, he simply wants to love Jesus!

So here I am, a missionary intercessor, working for a man who loves Jesus, in a store whose mission and vision are scripturally based, where they are closed on Sunday, and where they play Christian music all day. I am working in a marketplace prayer room! I wept for gratitude this morning on the way to work. I know that my hourly wage cannot sustain my family. I know that it is absolutley foolish in the eyes of the world for me to be "stuck" in some hourly wage job. And yet this is where God has me for now. Over the last two and a half months, this is the only door that has opened. And I have knocked on several doors. When I walked into the building, there was a spirit, no doubt the Holy Spirit that welcomed me. I did not feel that presence at Lowe's or Target, or any other place I sought employment of this kind.

I don't know why God has me here. I only know this is where I am. And my job is to remain faithful and grateful and make the most of the opportunity.

All because my wife told me to go to Hobby Lobby.

International House of Prayer that is, not Pancakes.

For those who would like to experience a little bit of worship and prayer via the web, follow this link:

http://www.ihop.org/Group/Group.aspx?id=16910

Scroll down to the Global Bridgroom Fast heading, and click on the free live webstream.

It's free the first Monday through Wednesday of the month! This is where we were for six months, in Kansas City, learning about intercession in the context of constant worship. Think of it as a prayer meeting that never ends. A taste of heaven on earth. Hey, didn't Jesus pray something along those lines? On earth as it is in heaven...

"Dimitri Pavlovich...was trying to teach Ivan how to absord a broadaxe blow with his shield and twist the weapon out of his enemy's hands. But Ivan would have none of it. He kept leaping backwards, dodging the axe entirely, then whacking Dimitri on the back with his practice sword. Oh, how clever it seemd to Ivan, this dancing. But what Ivan did not understand, could not grasp in his feeble foreign mind, was that in battle there would be a man to the left and to the right of his enemy, who would see the sudden gap in the line as Ivan leapt back, and he would never have a chance to leap forward again to make his clever blow. Instead, he would have to retreat farther yet, and that if the man to either side of him did not fight his battle for him, soon the enemy would come pouring through the gap, and the day would be lost. A man had to stand his ground, giving no inch to the enemy,bearing his blows and striking back harder, forcing the other man to give way."

Before having my eyes opened to the spiritual warfare of intercession and the militant aspect of the church, I never really heeded or cared for miliaristic images as part and parcel of the Christian life.

Jesus speaks in Matthew 11.12 in reference to men like John the Baptist taking the kingdom by violence. I used to think that this was a negative. I thought Jesus was saying violence was not appropriate. But it is a different kind of violence of which Jesus is speaking. When we live authentic Christian lives in a secular world, we will be disruptive. We will be disruptive in the same manner Jesus was. Read Matthew 5. If we live true to Jesus, we will suffer injustice as a result of our witness. The world will reject us because they will see Jesus. At least they should, shouldn't they? Jesus made enemies living a life of grace and mercy. And so did his disciples after him. They all suffered the same fate as Jesus. They were branded and disruptive to society and they killed them just as they did Jesus. Paul was no different.

As the body of Christ, we must respond to the attacks of the enemy with the same militant spirit as Jesus, John the Baptist, the disciples, and Paul. But as is pointed out in 2 Chronicles 20 and Ephesians 6, the weapons of our warfare are not of this world. God is the one who fights on our behalf. Standing firm, using the sheild of faith, we are to extinguish the arrows of the enemy. We are to take the blow head on. And then use our shield, the shield of faith, to disarm the enemy.

What a powerful image is revealed in this book excerpt of what happens when we do not stand our ground in faith. The line of defense is weakened, in our own life and in the Body as a whole. I confess I have stepped back way too many times, given ground. And we wonder why the church is in the state of decline that it is.

Dale Anderson, the director of the Intro to IHOP program, said over and over, at some point we as the church must stop retreating. At some point we must stop giving ground to the enemy. And with passion in his voice and tears in his eyes, I began to understand the militant nature of this journey of faith. In the spirit of Nehemiah, we must open our eyes and weep over the state of the church, be willing to confess our part for current state of the church, and then take our place to repair the breach in the wall. This is the heart of intercession.

This gives me chills as to the reality of the spiritual warfare we face. Over and over, we are called to stand firm. God give me the grace and strength to stand firm another day. I cannot do it without You.

See I have refined you, but not like silver. I have tested you in the fire
of adversity. Isaiah 48.10

Over the last couple of days, my spirit has been downcast, to put it mildly. Despair was setting in. So last night, as I was falling to sleep, I prayed asking God to give me some sense of direction, a word, something. Or just put an end to this and let me go on my way. It may not be very faithful, but it was how I felt. And in the end, God knows my heart.

So this morning, I share this with my wife during breakfast. She said I sounded like Job. Gee, thanks. And then I reach for our family devotion, because for a change we left the TV off and were all gathered at the breakfast table together. And this was the passage from Isaiah, talking about testing. Needless to say hit a little too close to home. And I wasn't sure how to react. Should I be grateful for this time of testing. "Thanks God for leading me into this wasteland period of my life?" Again, not a lot of faith in that kind of thinking. And then my wife said, "Would you rather God be in this, or not? Would you rather our circumstances not be of God?" This gave me a moments pause. Do we love God only when things go well? Do I trust only the good from God and not the bad. As the song says,

"Blessed be the name of the Lord/ He gives and takes away/ My heart will choose
to say/ Blessed be your name"

Wow. Think about that for a moment. God gives and takes away. Not a lot of prosperity gospel to be found in that. And yet do you know where this phrase comes from. It's biblical. Check out Job 1.21:

"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."

And so, God's response to my cry for help at midnight, is to speak a word. This is a time of refining. But God's refining comes through the testing of adversity. Not pleasant. Not in the least. But I trust in God with all my heart. And my prayer each night is for more of Him. It's the only way I know to make it through. I may not walk each day in faithfulness, but as a friend reminded me today, we are holy and righteous not because of our faithfulness, not because of our self-imputed holiness. We are holy and righteous by of the blood of Christ Jesus. The very same one who is called Faithful and True. And if He is willing to die that I might have life, I'm willing to trust another day that He has my best interest at heart. He created me, He sustains me, and He alone knows what is best for me. In this season of testing, my faithfulness is to trust in what I cannot see. My faithfulness is to not listen to the bad advice of the world. Even Job's well intended friends were off base. It is the lone voice of the Shepherd I want to hear calling my name.

And if all this were not enough, how is this for divine love. The Lord has opened up two opportunities in January for me to teach workshops in two local churches on prayer. Saturday will be a workshop on prayer entitled "Intimacy With God Through Enjoyable Prayer." And then I will preach Sunday in worship. He opened up those opportunities today. Even in a season of refining, He is a good, good Father.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

I don't normally go around thinking of myself as a king. Call it false humility. If you saw my bank balance, you'd be more inclined to say a pauper. But this morning's reading from Proverbs gave me a moments pause.

It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out. Prov 25.2

Why is it the glory of God to conceal things? Divine hide and seek? Does God have a mischievous side? What is it about the nature of God that it is His glory to conceal things?

I'm not sure. But I know that I enjoy searching things out. I enjoy a good mystery. And through school I've always found research to be something I'm good at and enjoy. I've always been a bit bookish like that.

I think it was under King Josiah's reign in OT Israel that the scribes found an old copy of the law, the book of Deuteronomy. And after dusting it off, Josiah had it read. And after hearing it read, the people realized how far from God they had wandered in their living. And so, Josiah glorified God by calling the people back to repentance, to right worship, to honor and glorify God. And the people were blessed.

In my daily life, I fall short of my intended destiny as a child of God. Deep within me and each of us lies a destiny far greater than we could ever imagine. Concealed within me is the heart of a king that yearns to discover the deep things of God. Like a present waiting to be unwrapped, like a diamond waiting to be unearthed is the glory of the nature of God within our very being. This is our intended glory.

I've always been moved by Michangleo's response when questioned about his sculpting. When asked about his sculpture The Angel, he simply said, "I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free."

God is a good, good Father. Knowing this, I can trust that His motives for concealing are benevolent, for our good. And so today, I want to dig a little deeper, to discover a little more about God, and about myself along the way.

James is our two year old and he is all boy. He is rough and affectionate, he can be sweet and sour all in the same moment. And he takes chances his older sister never thought about. While we were still in Kansas City, James fell down a set of 8 or 9 stairs that ended on a marble landing. We were scared to death. He was fine. A couple of bruises, that was all. It took a few years off of us however.

Then we move to NC and James takes another trip down a flight of 15 or 16 stairs ending on a wooden floor landing. I say with a wink and a nod that my son is perfecting the tuck and roll as he tumbles down the stairs. Again he walks away with a bump and a bruise.

Well last night, he took a dive out of his crib. Headfirst. Only this time he hits the corner of the chest with the bridge of his nose. I had just said prayers with them, [Elizabeth and James are sharing a room right now] sang them a lullaby and closed the door. Not two minutes later there is a thud and a scream and Elizabeth's voice calling out, "Mom! Dad! James fell out of the crib!"

Fell out of the crib! You don't just fall out of the crib! As a two year old, you have to work pretty hard to fall out of a crib!

We rush into the room and James is lying on the floor in a heap, has cut his nose and is bleeding. Not gushing, more oozing. We apply ice and begin serious discussion about getting rid of the crib. The crib has served well as a holding pen. We put him in the crib and knew where he was. Our concern was that he was not ready for a big boy bed. Truth be told, we are the one's not ready for James to have a big boy bed. The convenience of the crib has been nice. Our concern now is, if we take away the crib, he can roam, in a room, with his unsuspecting sister right next to him. Hmmm... But on the other hand, can we afford not to get rid of the crib. Maybe it is time.

We have yet to go to the Emergency Room with either child. We assume at some point, James will be the first. Just not today, please.

Another testimony to just how awesome our God is!

Okay, so living on a missionary budget, which is an oxymoron, we never know how to think about expenses like tires for our Explorer. We bought our Explorer with 45,000 miles and have had the same set of tires since we bought it. We now have 118,000 miles. For the last month and a half we have had a slow to moderate leak in the left rear tire which had us going to fill it up with air before we drove anywhere! Needless to say we needed new tires. This has been on our radar, but we never had the money.

Last Thursday, we were paying bills. Jennifer looked at me, and after paying the tithe, we had just enough to pay the bills. The choice always of course, is whether to pay the tithe or set it aside for later. I say it is a choice, because it is a choice to be obedient. I looked at Jennifer and said, "I guess we don't need new tires today."

In the mail that day came a letter. Inside was a note from a woman who told us she had been visiting a church I had spoken at a month ago. She was moved by our testimony and wanted to bless us with a gift. The gift was $600. As we read the note and looked at the amount of the check, I looked at Jennifer and with a grateful smile said, "I guess God wants us to have new tires after all."

Could we have used the money for something else? Sure. But after living seven months at the hand of God, relying on daily bread, you begin to recognize the beauty of God's good and timely gifts. There was no doubt for either of us that we had just received a set of new tires in the mail.

"Usually, the next step after catching a vision is to see it die. There is a special reason for this: our vision often contains a combination of godly concerns and human perspectives, so God has to engineer a way whereby the godly concerns remain and the human perspectives are changed to divine perspectives. His way of doing this is to cause the vision to die. This is a Biblical principle that can be traced from Genesis to Revelation. The vision Abraham received of being the father of a great nation "died" when he found his wife was barren. The vision Moses received "died" when he was rejected by his people and was forced to flee into the desert for forty years. Why, we ask, does God bring a vision to birth and then allow it to die? For this reason: the waiting time in which we find ourselves during the death of a vision is God's classroom for the development of godly character in us. It is in the waiting time, as the vision "dies", that such qualities as patience, persistence, perseverance and self-control are built into us. Has God given you in the past a vision of something that you knew was definitely from Him - but now the vision has died? Then don't be discouraged. This is the way God works. He is using the waiting time to change your ideas to His ideas and your perspectives to His perspectives."

by: Selwyn Hughes

as found at

http://oneplace.com/devotionals/everydaylight/546650.aspx

For the last year, God has been birthing a vision in our family. God has faithfully given us clarity and direction. God has faithfully provided for our families needs as we have followed where he lead. And now, I believe, God is asking us to allow the vision to die.

Since we have returned to North Carolina, everything has been a struggle. Finances, relationships, everything. I had a friend ask me about my prayer life since I had returned from IHOP-KC, "the intercessors utopia", he said. Off the top of my head I said it was a stuggle. Later reflecting on my comment, I realized it was not my prayer life that was in turmoil. I find myself nearly in constant prayer. All my thoughts it seems are focused in an ongoing dialog with God. Though it looks different than it was in KC, I'm not in a prayer room soaking in the atmosphere of worship and intercession, the heart of prayer is there.

What is different, what has changed, is the faith behind the prayers. I read in EM Bounds book on Prayer that prayer and faith go together. Jesus made it clear that we are to pray believing we will receive what we ask. Pray believing. My prayers have taken on a more desperate tone. They are not long or elaborate. They are more akin to "Lord Help me, Lord save me!"

I am realizing that becuase of my present circumstances, primarily the lack of direction and lack of finances, I find that my trust in God is wavering. And yet I keep coming back to Him. I keep seeking His face. Even though I can't feel His presence, it is His presence that I seek. Even though I can't hear Him, it's His voice I long to hear.

And so every time we go to worship, I cry. Because worship exposes the longing of my heart. In the midst of what the world and even I think of as failure, I long to worship Him. I crave His presence. To sing "We worship and bow down," to sing "God is good all the time and all the time God is good" to praise God in the midst of this is both foolishness and strength.

And so a week ago, I felt led by God to kneel at the altar, and give the vision back. A pastor who is a colleague and friend shared this quote by Hughes with me. In a two minute conversation before worship, he said "I read this quote that said 'sometimes after God gives the vision, it has to die.'" I wept for the truth of His words hit deep in my heart.

And so we arranged a time the next evening. I came and offered back to God the vision of a calling to worship and prayer. I know with every fiber in my being that this is what God is calling me to do. And yet every circumstance seems to point against it. And so, I gave back to God what He had given to me. Like Abraham, like Moses, it was God's calling, God's vision, God's desire before it was mine. And so in faith, I knelt at the altar, and offered back to God this calling to worship and prayer and the dream of being set apart as an intercessor. I told Him I didn't understand. And I told Him that in spite of it all, all I wanted was more of Him.

And I left it there, the vision, on the altar, to die. It is no longer mine, though it burns within my being. And so we wait for resurrection.

I know, I know, it's been a while. We just returned from a week at the beach with family. It was great to have the opportunity to go to the beach, and spend the time with the kids and extended family. We broke with our seven year streak of heading to Sunset Beach and headed a little north of Wilmington to Topsail Beach. The last time I was on Topsail was with some guys from college for spring break. Our motto then was "What happens on the island, stays on the island." Our motto this week could have been "Are you hungry again?" With kids, one is always feeding, cleaning, or making sure they aren't going to kill themselves. Our kids are 4 and 2 by the way.

I have found returning to NC to have it's pros and cons. I definitely miss the prayer room. I have yet had an opporuntity to check out ZHOP, the house of prayer just outside of Charlotte. I have been wearing out my worship CD's needless to say. Walking out this calling of worship prayer and fasting IS NOT easy, especially in such an affluent area as we are right now. Plus we lack the supportive community of the missions base, where at least we were pressing ahead in the same direction. Here, our family tries to be supportive, but in the end they really don't understand why we are choosing to go through this. I have had opporuntities to share our calling with several pastors. I never realized that offering to pray for someones church and staff could be seen as threatening, but it is. The ministry of intercession is seen at best as irrelevant, too outside the mainstream of the mainline, too para-church, or as simply unnecessary. Everbody says they believe in prayer, but not the need for someone to commit their life to it. Everybody welcomes prayer, but at a distance.

The one question that arises over and over as I share my calling is, "Yeah, but can you sustain your family doing it? Can you make a living and provide for your family by praying?" I tell them I haven't had a paycheck since Dec 25 2005. I tell them we have paid every bill, have not gone into debt, and have continued to pay down our student loans. God is faithful.

And yet I walk away with doubt in my heart. I hear the incredulity and the skepticism in their voice and I think to myself think, "I am a fool." I handed over my career for this? I see it in their eyes. It is a combination of pity, disbelief, and something else. I'm not sure what it is.

Even today in my time with God, I asked, "Is this where we are supposed to be?" And God's response in my heart was, "Yes. You are right where I want you for now." Where are we? We are living with Jennifer's mom and step-dad. We are barely getting by covering our bills. We have no idea where we want to live much less where God intends for us to go. We have no prospect in the near future to supplement our income. We have no real community to worship with, that understands us anyway. And yet God says to me "You are where I want you to be." I told this to Jennifer and she confirmed this is God's message to her as well. She feels the same way. I have said it before and will say it again, I am blessed to have such a wonderful wife. God's wisdom in putting us together is undeniable.

My fear is that I have spent too much energy shepherding [worrying really] about our finances, or lack thereof. Instead, I need to be shepherding our vision of ministry. This notion struck me earlier today. When I focus on what God is calling me to do, to be an intercessor, to pray for the church, to pray for pastors, to energize the church in prayer, I get excited. Something in my heart tells me this is where my focus needs to be. And yet like Martha, I am worried and distracted by many other things.

So, we continue to put one foot in front of the other. We are learning to walk out this calling in these familiar yet new surroundings. We continue to take our place on the wall of intercession. And we wait. With Holy Boldness, we wait.